I'm so sad to hear of more teens dying by suicide. I just cry within me each time, "This has got to stop!"
Ideas on how to continue moving forward in addressing teen suicide in Utah ... hmm... this is a tough one, particularly within the LDS culture. It has a tendency to be so closed and almost unwilling to not only address this issue, but hear about it on a deep and living level. While I do love the LDS church, I can see, and even understand, the huge barrier presented. I read today the former director of the "ex-gay" ministry Love in Action, John Smid, said yesterday about gay teens, "We wanted to teach the wrongs of homosexuality - why it was a sin, why it was wrong, how it could harm their lives - not realizing that stuff was going on in their hearts that we wouldn't allow them to share." Doesn't that about sum it up? So sad, so confining, and so very alone and empty for a teen just realizing they have these frightening, confusing, and supposedly contemptuous feelings, not realizing they're really quite natural and okay. Where can they turn within the church and find an understanding, non-condemning ear? My first telling when I was 17 years old was to a trusted seminary teacher, hoping for some discussion telling me I was okay, my feelings were normal, and that I wasn't some kind of reprobate. This trusted seminary teacher then told her mother-in-law, the mother of one of my closest friends. The ramifications of such, starting with a phone call to my own (at the time, homophobic) mother, whom I had not yet told, were nothing short of disastrous.
While I'd love nothing more than huge, thunderous, church-wide changes, I do not see that happening. The small changes have to happen within the church, in order for a place of safety to be found for these young people. And as you know, we're not even talking about just LGTB LDS teens taking their own lives, but grown men and women in their 20s, 30s, and even 40s who just cannot seem to find the solace a religion is ideally supposed to offer. Where's that balm of Gilead? The peace? The rest of the Lord that so many wish to find in their religion? To use the words of an LDS gay man from the Far Between videos, going to church becomes then an exercise in masochism.
I see the only way to reach teens is in their home, school, or church. In the case of Utah and the LDS culture, all those places seem to be closed off to this topic. My choice in staying with the church, even though I've been excommunicated, gives me an in, so to speak. Since the necessary changes will likely not be huge and glamorous, they're going to be small and quiet. I've said before, gay people are leaving the church in droves. I'd love to see them coming back to the church in droves. Young people need to see us there, they need to see we belong there, they need to see we're still okay, living well, loving well, and still a part of the church that means so very much to their identity. They need to see they do not need to be ripped in two, choosing one part or the other, but can indeed live comfortably with both. Gay people can stay, gay people can still love the LDS church. And straight people can learn. ;) We get to be on the inside of those walls, telling others, showing others, that we're still okay. We can discuss calmly and with empathy this issue. We can help create straight allies, one person at a time, by talking, by being genuine, by maintaining a place of love, integrity, and friendship for all those around us, even those we may not agree with. Correcting people calmly and with kindness goes a long way.
There's a young girl in my ward who is struggling, I'm not sure with what. I skip Sunday School sometimes and sit with this girl in the foyer and we hold our own Sunday School. She has told me she's scared to see the bishop because what she has to tell him will change his mind about her and she is sure her place in the church will be changed forever. Sound familiar at all? So we chat, I accept her, I treat her as the amazing child of God she is, and I keep the judgment and fear out of the conversation. Surely everyone in the church can learn to do that - one person at a time. I saw a quote the other day. "I used to wonder why somebody didn't do something about that. Then I realized I am somebody." Just with any change, big or small, it has to start with me. Show up, be open, be loving, be genuine, and be ready.
